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N is for Negative Self Talk
By Dr. Aimee Kimball//Sport Psychologist
“You are awful!”
“Quit now!”
“You’ll never win!”
Have you ever caught yourself saying these things to yourself? How
do you feel when you think like this? Do you let yourself get away
with it or do you put a stop to these thoughts and try to be more
positive? In this article I will address something almost everyone
has been guilty of at some point in their lives—allowing that
voice in their head to be excessively mean.
Be Your Own Best Friend
Take a moment to write down some of the negative things you have
said to yourself over the past year. Now look over that list and
imagine your best friend saying those things to you. Do you find it
hard to imagine someone who cares about you being so nasty? When it
comes to negative self-talk, I find it even harder to imagine that
the one person (you) who has to be nice to you is being so mean. If
we know our good friend – someone who always has our back
– would never be negative, why is it difficult for us to be
kind to ourselves? The answer is simple: because we forget
we’re supposed to be unconditionally supportive of ourselves.
My first piece of advice to combating negative self-talk is to be
your own best friend and say the things to yourself that you would
say to someone you cared about who was struggling.
Choose the “Good” Voice
In cartoons, whenever a person is struggling with a decision
they would have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.
In real life, these “voices” are in our head. We have
this devilish little thing in one part of our brain telling us all
of the reasons we will fail. In the other part of our brain we have
a cheerleader (AKA “Positive Patty”) telling us how
awesome we are and why we will succeed. Even in the most optimistic
and confident people both of these voices exist to some extent. The
difference between the optimists and the pessimists is that the
optimists rarely hear the little devil because they are too busy
listening to the cheerleader, while the pessimists are turning the
megaphone over to the negative voice. If your “inner
devil” is loud and obnoxious, you don’t have to fight
him and try to make him go away, tell him he’s going to
have to be content just hanging out because you’re putting
him on mute and are going to CHOOSE to listen to the positive voice
that’s keeping you optimally focused.
It’s Not All Bad
I myself am a pretty positive person and am good at taking a
“glass half full” perspective. However, I recognize
that not everyone is wired like this and some people tend to see
all that could go wrong or has gone wrong and let that bog down
their minds. So I in no way think that “being positive”
is easy for people. In fact, I think that most people do see the
downside of situations, but this isn’t necessarily bad. For
many swimmers, in order to do well, they have to know potential
pitfalls and plan for them. They have to recognize mistakes
they’ve made in the past and work to make sure they
don’t happen again. This is when having a “glass half
empty” mindset is helpful, when it makes you work hard so
that you can fill up the glass. It’s only harmful if
you’re thinking “the glass is half empty and I
don’t have a pitcher to fill it up.” On the flipside,
someone who always sees the positive may become content and not
feel that their glass needs to be full. That contentment
doesn’t necessarily help swimmers to reach their peak because
they are too optimistic and maybe don’t put in enough work.
So again, being wired to see the downside isn’t all bad, as
long as it’s a motivator rather than a hindrance to
performance.
Change the Negatives
If your negative self-talk does start to get in the way, stop
the negative thoughts, reframe them and refocus them by following
three easy steps:
1) Become aware of your thinking habits. Know
situations in which you have a tendency to be negative and what
your specific mental obstacles are.
When I’m in a tough workout, I convince myself I’m
tired and can’t go anymore. I catch myself saying,
“You’ve worked hard enough, no need to push it any
further.”
2) Reframe the negative thought into something
more realistic or more positive.
“I have worked hard today, but I’m still afloat so I
can keep pushing even harder.”
or
“I know when I exhaust myself I have more confidence on race
day—that’s why I’m going to keep
pushing.”
3) Refocus your thoughts on what is important
now and what can help you to swim well.
“Keep my strokes smooth and long, just like I want them to
be in the last leg of my race. I know I’ll be tired then so I
have to develop good habits now.”
As you can see, none of these thoughts are super-duper positive,
though you can certainly make them be if you’re up for the
challenge. Most sport psychology books will tell you to focus on
only the positive and throw all negative thoughts away. This is the
ideal way of thinking and is what you want to be working towards.
However, it’s hard for someone who is always negative to say
to themselves, “I can do it! I feel great!” so if you
don’t currently fit into the category of someone who can flip
the switch from negative to positive, try to at least find a middle
ground where you go from destructive to constructive. If you are
negative, start by just getting yourself to be realistic,
process-focused or slightly more positive. When that becomes easy,
then you should be able to bring out your inner cheerleader and
maintain a positive mindset.
It’s the Little Things
Some people need a physical release from their negative
mentality. Wash your face off and say to yourself “wash away
that race,” do some jumping jacks, brush the
“devil” off your shoulder, listen to music, go over
your race plan, have routine…find something that triggers a
mental/emotional release from whatever negatives you’re
experiencing. Explore what works for you outside of swimming when
you’re having a bad day, see if that can help you at meets
and practices. Becoming a more positive person is something that
will benefit you not only in sport but in life in general. By
learning how to control your thinking you’ll experience
greater enjoyment as well as enhanced performance.
Make it Great!
Dr. Aimee
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