|
 While it would be nice to get along with everyone all
of the time, you are eventually going to have differing opinions
with teammates, coaches, parents, or other individuals you
encounter. Thus, developing the ability to effectively resolve
conflict is an important skill to have both for your sport and for
your interactions in life beyond athletics. This article will
discuss the keys to keeping the peace and managing disagreements
with others.
Quick Conflict Resolution Tips
It is important to recognize that conflict isn’t always a bad
thing. Conflict can result in new knowledge, new methods of
accomplishing goals, and even increased commitment. However, the
way the conflict is resolved often dictates whether the conflict
has a positive or negative outcome. Thus, being able to handle
conflict in a mature and solution-focused way is
essential.
Tip 1: Understand the nature of the conflict
Try to figure out where the conflict stems from. Is it a
misunderstanding, a difference of opinion, competing goals?
Starting with an agreement on what you are arguing about makes the
discussion a lot smoother so that at least you are both focused on
the same issue.
Tip 2: Be willing to accept individual
differences
Oftentimes, conflict is caused because two people have differing
opinions. There are many reasons why opinions differ, but often
it’s because people are looking at the same situation from
two varying perspectives. This is the case particularly when people
either have different personalities or different goals. So, when
you’re in conflict with someone, first ask yourself,
“Is there another way to see this situation?” Second,
ask yourself, “Can we agree on a common goal?” Third,
ask yourself if it is okay to disagree. Agreeing to disagree can be
an acceptable solution to some problems and shows an acceptance of
each person’s point of view.
Tip 3: Keep an open mind
Don’t start a confrontation with the assumption that you are
right and you have to prove it to the other person. This just puts
both of you in a defensive position. Instead, go into such
interactions with the mindset that you are going to discuss the
issue at hand and try to learn what the other person is
thinking/feeling about a particular situation. To truly keep an
open mind, you must be willing to admit you’re wrong or, in
some cases, that you are both right. Either way, conflict
resolution isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about
reaching a solution to a problem.
Tip 4: Focus on the problem and the solution
When we’re angry or frustrated with a situation, it’s
easy to take it out on others. First, never confront someone when
you’re angry. Second, realize it’s not the person,
it’s their behavior that we don’t like. If you attack
someone on a personal level (“You are lazy and
uncommitted”) they are going to be immediately defensive and
the problem won’t be solved. If, however, you focus on a specific behavior and how you would like that
behavior to change, you may be able to reach a solution. Be sure to
describe the situation from your point of view so
they can understand how this behavior makes you feel. Some people
don’t think about how their actions affect others. Offer to
help in solving the problem. (“When you come
to practice late it makes me feel like you do not care about the
success of the swim team. I can pick you up in the morning if
you’re having trouble getting a ride.”) Stay focused on
the main issue. Don’t bring up minor incidents from the past,
focus on recent behaviors.
Tip 5: Don’t gossip
While it is tempting to try to get others “on your
side,” this tends to create more drama than necessary and
makes it much more difficult to resolve the conflict. Address the
person individually with no one else around. Talking about the
confrontation with others either before or after can create
divisions on the team and can end up becoming a major distraction
for everyone.
Tip 6: Know what you’re willing to sacrifice
Often in disagreements, you have to decide if it’s worth it
to try to solve the problem. If there is something you want out of the situation but not necessarily something you
need, maybe it’s really not worth sacrificing
a relationship to get it. If you feel the situation is important
and that the issue can be resolved, then you have to decide how
important your relationship is with the other person. If it’s
an important relationship, you’ll have to be willing to
sacrifice some of your needs to reach a solution that works for
both of you.
Tip 7: Try to resolve it yourself
For most people, conflict isn’t an enjoyable experience.
However, we can’t avoid conflict, and we can’t have
others rushing in to save us our entire life. Fox example, if you
disagree with the events your coach is having you swim, you cannot
rely on parents to fix the situation. The reason being is that
later in life you may have issues with a boss and your parents
can’t call them up and tell them they need to change the
account you were assigned. While conflicts can be a source of
anxiety, once you learn how to properly handle them you will find a
sense of empowerment that comes from knowing that you can reach a
better outcome to a situation you are unsatisfied with. It’s
important to learn how to keep the peace while negotiating an
acceptable solution for all involved.
Make it Great!
Dr. Aimee
|
